


Heartbreak Is Forever.

by Wearenotalright



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-10
Updated: 2014-09-10
Packaged: 2018-02-16 20:25:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2283408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wearenotalright/pseuds/Wearenotalright
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank regrets breaking up with Gerard and has to live with his mistake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartbreak Is Forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if it sucks.

I love him so much, he's the first thought in the morning and the last thought at night. He gives me butterflies and I'm so damn lucky to call him mine. Many people kill for a man like mine, I'm truly lucky. 

He is perfect; everything that I need in a man. He is beautiful, smart, funny, charming. He is sexy and sarcastic. He is the perfect man. Everything he does I love. I love his art, the way his mouth moves when he talks. His nerdy jokes that I don't understand. He's everything that everyone wants but can't have because he's mine and I don't like to share.

He makes me forget all the bad thoughts I have, he helps me become a better me. I couldn't be any happier than I am in his arms. 

But have you ever felt like you're in the same rut? Nothing is improving, it sucks.

Nothing hurts more than breaking up with someone you're in love with. Which is what I have to do. Guilt eats you alive. 

\---

 

"Frankie!" My head shot up and I see Mikey waving his hand in my face. I barely slept last night and being at work was just making me even more tired. 

I sighed and straightened myself up, "yeah, sorry. I'm so tired."

"I can tell," Mikey says laughing. "Are you and Gee going to come over tonight?" 

"Yeah," I mumble in response. Mikey is Gerard's brother and Mikey and I work together at the record store. I'm the owner. 

I've been dating Gerard for about 5 years. It will be 6 years in November. I met him through a dating website. It sounds pathetic but being a gay man in New Jersey is a little hard. It's so much harder to find someone being gay rather than straight. I set up the account and within a month I got a message from "geewiz138" and that's when it all started. 

It started from a small email. Talking about New Jersey and it moved on from there. It turned out we had so much in common. We were also from the same town but because I went to Catholic school we didn't know each other. 

But lately our relationship isn't going anywhere, we aren't improving. Nothing is changing. No thoughts on marriage or kids. I even brought it up to him but he would just nudge it off and almost pretend I didn't say anything. It broke my heart. 

The work day is over and I lock up the store and head home to pick up Gerard and go to his brothers house. As you know Mikey works with me. I got him the job when his old store burned down. 

On the ride home all I can think about is how unhappily happy I am. I'm unhappy because I know our relationship is over. I'm happy because Gerard is the most amazing man on the planet. 

I'm unhappy because no matter what I do in my power - him and I aren't meant to be together. No matter how hard I try him and I aren't soul mature. As much as I want us to be soul mates we simply aren't meant to be. 

I'm happy because he's selfless and has a heart of fucking gold and he's been through so much shit and he s had a giant smile on his face. I'm happy because he cares about me and he will do anything for me. 

It kills me that I have to end it.

I hold back my tears and turn off the car engine and head inside the place I share with Gerard. 

\---

It's been 2 weeks and I still can't bring myself to break up with Gerard. I keep trying to find reasons to hold on. I took him out on a date and he looked deep into my eyes and told me I'm the love of his life.

How do you break up with someone after they told you that?

It's reflecting my mood, too. The guilt is eating me alive, I can't look at him without my heart breaking. I don't want to take the light out of his eyes. 

"Hey, babe, I'm going to work now." I said walking into the kitchen where Gerard was eating cereal and drinking coffee. 

"Okay," he replies smiling and kissing me softly on the lips. 

"Have a good day, love you." He replied, giving me a warm smile.

"Love you, too." I mumble back, not even looking at him and leaving the house to go to work. 

Work as typical and dragging. Usually I'll play on my phone, text Gerard. Check Facebook. Whatever. But I don't even pull out the iPhone from my pocket. I don't want to text Gerard, I don't want to text Gerard....

He's probably expecting a text from me, too. I always text him while I'm at work. Today I can't though. I have to let him go no matter how hard it is for me. It has to be done tonight or it will never happen and we will be going in circles. 

The day ends and I prepare myself for what will be the worst night of my life. I gather my things and head home. 

I try to play the words I'll he using in my head for practice. No matter what way I say it's going to be painful and it's going to hurt. It's going to hurt us both and I'm not prepared for this but I know I will never be ready and I just got to do it and get it over with.

Like a bandaid, right? 

Once I reach the house I almost feel guilty that I have a house key. I realized that as of tonight I won't have a place to live, this is Gerard's freaking house. Not mine. 

I open the door silently and I notice that he's on the couch watching some television show on Netflix. 

Gerard turns his head and smiles, "hey, I haven't heard from you all day."

"Yeah." Is all I can say and I sit down across from him. 

"You okay?" He asks me with concern in his veins, walking over to me. My heart races and I feel tears swell up.

I just look down at my hands, I can't look at him. He's rubbing my back and reassuring me that it's okay and whatever it is we can make it through, that we've been through worse. 

"Baby, you're scaring me. Please look at me." He says trying to make me look at him but I push his gentle hand away. 

Tears are falling down my face and I lose my voice. I just shake my head no and let the tears fall into my lap and hand. Silently sobbing. 

I can finally muster up the words to him, starting with, "I'm sorry. I love you so much, but this isn't going anywhere."

"Wait -" he pauses, I can almost hear his heart break, "what..?"

"I'm so in love with you," I choked out, "but sometimes..." I stop myself, tears falling down, looking at Gerard. His face red, holding back tears. I can hear his heart beating fast. 

With a broken voice Gerard finishes the sentence for me. "Sometimes love isn't enough."

I only nod my head in agreement saying, "I'm going to grab a weeks worth of clothes and later on in the week I'll get the rest of my things." 

With that, I leave a heart broken Gerard in the living room. With only him and his thoughts left in the room. 

I cannot bare to see him broken. I had to leave. The less talking, the easier this will be. 

\---

I didn't tell Gerard where I was going, I didn't want him to know. I don't want to risk him coming over. He would also be angry to who I'm staying with.

I'm staying with his best friend Lindsey. Lindsey was the girl who Gerard would go to chicks for. He's openly told me that he would date her if he ever had the chance in the past. He used to have a crush on her in high school but they both never acted on it. 

He got over it way before me and they have remained friends ever since. 

"Thanks for letting me crash here." I said walking in the door of Lindsey's place. 

"Hey it's no problem. I promise I won't tell Gerard. I know how impulsive he can get. If he knows you're here he might come here with his guitar and play you a song." She says back to me, closing the door, trying her best to make a joke and make me laugh, I can't laugh though, this hurts so much. 

I knew she was right. Gerard doesn't always think things fully and he acts on impulse. 

\---

I've been just existing the past few days. I get up, go to work, and come back to Lindsay's place and watch television until I have to sleep. Today I know for sure that will not happen because Mikey is working and he's going to chew my ear off. 

"I should yell at you," was the first thing he said when he walked into the store. "But I can't. You did the right thing."

I only nodded as a reply. I didn't want to talk about this. I knew for sure Gerard was going to call Mikey and tell him. 

"How's he doing?" I asked, hoping good for his own well being. 

"I would be lying if I told you he's doing alright." Mikey said truthfully. "He's hurt. I think he's numb mostly."

Again, the only thing I can do to nod my head and turn away. I'm too fragile to hear that my ex boyfriend is hurting and it's all because of me. The pain only gets worse. Whoever said time heals has never been heart broken; that or they're full of shit. 

\---

Only existing isn't so bad. I go to work and come back to Lindsey's house. It's pretty easy actually now that I have all my stuff. 

The worst part is that I want to see Gerard and tell him I want him back. I know I can't do that though. As much as you love someone, you can't force true love. 

"Frankie," the voice that belongs to Lindsey fills the room. "You got to get out of this."

I don't say anything. I know she's right, too. Word on the street is that Gerard is doing better. I'm happy that he's not a mess anymore but I'm also feeling some envy and anger. In a selfish way I wanted him to stay heart broken and attached to me. It's clear time is healing him better than time is healing for me. If anything, I'm getting worse and worse as the days go on. 

"I know." I mumble. "I just wish him and I...." I trailed off, letting the thoughts about Gerard in my head to stay there. Lindsey doesn't want to hear it.

"It doesn't matter - I'll never find anyone like him." 

Lindsey walks over to the couch that I'm sitting on and sits down next to me, giving me a small neck rub. "You deserve some happy." She mumbled against my neck. I shutter in response. 

"T-thanks." I managed to get out as I feel her hot breath against my neck, feeling extremely nervous. 

I turn around and I look right into her eyes. Lindsey is incredibly beautiful, her big eyes giving off beauty against her black hair that's loosely falling passed her shoulders. She's wearing a loose, yet fitting Batam shirt and a pair of blue denim shorts showing off her toned, long, pale legs. She was a beautiful sight. Her tattoos in all the right places. Gerard used to joke around saying she was a female me. She's too beautiful for that, though. 

"You know," she says breaking the silence, gliding her finger down my thigh, "I can help you forget about Gerard. Even if it's just for the night." She continues, her hand stopping next to my crotch. 

I feel my face get hot. Is this fucking happening? 

"I - um - I-I." I stammer, unable to get out a word, "fuck!"

My eyes roll to the back of my head as I feel Lindsey palm the crotch of my jeans, quickly getting hard. 

"Like that?" She whispers against my next, rubbing harder, swiftly unbuckling my jeans, gaining confidence. 

I only moan in response and I feel a guilt take over my body, this is Gerard's best friend. I met her because of Gerard and here I am, getting my pants taken off by her. He had a huge crush on her. Guilt is rising in me, but my erection is telling her a different story. 

"Lindsey." I breathed out, almost panting. "I'm gay." 

I can feel her smirk, responding with, "your hard dick says otherwise." Grabbing a hold of my dick that's now out of my pants and boxers, painfully hard. 

I don't say anything back to her. I just enjoy her soft hands around my dick, picking up pace, going harder and faster. 

"F-fuck." I breathing hitched. 

"Bet I can do so many things Gerard can't." She whispers kissing me softly.

I gently kiss her back, giving up the fight and just enjoying the handjob I'm receiving. I run my hands up her legs and make small circles with my fingers, asking for her to open up her legs a little.

She opens her legs up and I caress her inner thighs as she jerks me off. It's weird, not going to lie. It almost didn't feel right. 

"I'm sure you can't." The blood in my body stops and any kind of erection I had is gone and I pull away from Lindsey, looking up and seeing my ex boyfriend, leaning against the door frame with an angry look on his face. 

"Fuck." I whispered quickly getting my pants on. "Gerard."

"I came here to see if Lindsey wanted to hang out so I can get my mind off you, though it seems she's helping you with that." Jealously and venom in his voice. 

"Don't be mad at him," Lindsey says, defending me. "I came onto him." 

"Fucking save it." Gerard spat at her. Gerard grabs my arm, yanking me up from the couch. "Come here, Frankie." 

I obey Gerard's order and I get up from the couch to leave the apartment with Gerard holding my hand too tight. 

Once we are out of the building Gerard slams me against the wall, pinning me there. Our faces inches apart. My back aches from the harsh contact with the bricks.

"Mikey told me you're a mess." He spits at him, running his hands down my chest and I turn my head away from him, whimpering like a child. 

"Speak." He says, anger in his voice as he laches his teeth and tongue on my neck. My hips jerk at his touch.

"I guess I have been." I managed to get out. Between Gerard and Lindsey I think I'm going to explode. 

"I come here to hang out with my best friend and I find her jerking you off." He states to me, backing up a little. My hair is messy and I'm a little sweaty from Gerard touching me, my back is still against the wall and I'm panting like an animal. 

"Fucking whore." He mumbles at me and taking my pant buckle off. Quickly pulling down my pants. 

"No." I whined back to him, "I'm - I'm not a whore..." 

Gerard just laughs and starts jerking me off, fast and hard and I try not to scream in pleasure. Gerard knows my dick better than anyone and he knows exactly what to do to make me fucking go crazy. "You're panting and moaning like a whore. Another set of hands was just around that pretty cock of yours." 

His words are daggers against my ear and I just moan in response. 

"We shouldn't do this-" I pant. "We are in public, Gerard." 

I hear him chuckle, "shut up, you slut. You're gonna give everyone a show who walks by. Whores are good at that. Come on, dirty little slut, show everyone what a good boy you are for me." 

My eyes go wide and I'm just about to tell him no, that I don't want to have sex with him. That he's just angry at me and he's using sex as revenge to get back at me but my words are cut short when I feel him turn me over and my stomach is against the railing of the building and my ass is exposed. 

"That's right, baby," Gerard mumbles against me and I feel his finger go inside me and I shutter. 

"Fuck. Gerard." I moan out and I feel him work his finger inside me, going in and out and I'm panting like a dog in heat. 

He's working with only one finger, going in and out of me. I creep my head over to see what Gerard looks like and he's on his knees, face right near my ass, he has a smirk plastered on his face as he finger fucks me into oblivion. 

"Shit!" I scream out as he curls his finger, hitting my prostate hard. He keeps his rhythm, each time hitting my spot harder and harder. I grab my own hips for support as I beg for more contact with his finger. 

"You like that?" Gerard whispers, cupping my balls with his other hand and I gulp loudly. 

"Yes. Yes I like it." I said back to him, feeling defeated. 

I can feel his smirk grow as he adds another finger inside me and I moan loudly, my ass bouncing in the air. "Are you a slut?"

My face turns red from the words he's choosing. Gerard has never once been like this in the 5 years we dated and hearing him talk like this is mind blowing and extremely hot. 

"Yes." I said barely above a whisper, my face red from humiliation. 

"What? I can't hear you!" Gerard yells at me, pulling his fingers out and I whimper from the lack of contact of his fingers. He smacks my ass hard and I let out a loud moan, "what did you say, bitch?" 

He continues to taunt me, spreading my cheeks apart and I feel his fucking tongue dancing around my hole and I lose all control I had left; giving Gerard complete control over my body, fully submitting to him. 

"I'm a fucking slut." I moan out, Gerard is picking up the pace with his tongue, circling around my hole, causing my whole body to tremble under the touch. 

"Who do you belong to?" He hissed at me, leaving me breathless and wanting more of his mouth on me. 

"You." I breathe out, gritting my teeth. "I belong to you."

"Damn straight you do. You're fucking mine, Frankie." He says behind me, against my ear and I almost come from the words itself. 

My eyes roll as Gerard continues to fuck my ass with his mouth and I'm moaning loudly, not even caring that I'm outside in public, getting rimmed by my ex boyfriend in front of his best friends apartment. Anyone could walk by, and I'll just moan as Gerard teases me. 

He keeps his hands on my cheeks, keeping them open and moves his mouth over to my balls and licks them up and I lost it all at that point. 

"Gerard," I moan out, "please." I beg. 

He doesn't say anything. He goes back to my hole and starts licking at it again and I don't know how much longer I can last. 

"Gonna come." I whisper just loud enough for him to hear. 

"No, you are not."

Before I can say anything back, I feel Gerard pull away from my skin and shift himself off me and I groan in frustration. Between Lindsey and Gerard I think I might explode, at this point I just need to fucking come already. 

"Think I would just fuck you again after seeing you getting jerked off by my best friend? Do you think I'm an idiot?" Gerard calmly says to me before walking away from the building, leaving me completely shocked and confused with what just happened.

\---

Gerard and I don't talk for the rest of the week. I don't text him and he doesn't text me. It's better off that way, too. After the stunt he pulled on me I feel like I'm made of glass and it's only matter of time that I'm going to shatter into a million pieces.

I'm truly heart broken all over again. 

Is he playing mind games? Is he trying to mess with my head because we broke up? I don't even know but this is pure torture for me. Everyday I wake up crying my eyes out and beg to feel his body next to mine. If he's playing these games with me than he's winning because I'm a total wreck everyday now. 

After that night at Lindsey's apartment I left her place and moved in with my dad. My last option that I didn't want to do but I couldn't stand being at her house after she made a move on me. I just can't do that to myself and to Gerard. I know deep down seeing me with another person killed him. He covered it up by dominating me. 

My dad doesn't even bother asking me what is wrong with me. He knew Gerard and I broke up so I'm not doing well. I didn't tell him about the crazy night at Lindsey's apartment, I would never hear the end of it if I told him what happened.

It's the dirty secret. 

\---

I bury my emotions into my job. I go to work extra early and I don't leave until 2 hours after I closed up the shop. Finding meaningless things to do for the place, clean the shelves, mop the floors, inventory even though I always do that on Tuesdays but lately I do it on Saturday so I can keep my weekend busy. I even changed the employees schedules. It's not like a lot of people work there. Mikey works here most days. A high school senior, James works here on the weekends. So it's mostly Mikey and I working at the shop. Mikey is so dedicated to my shop and I thank the universe everyday for sending me Mikey Way. 

"Yo - Frank, get out of the office. We are going out tonight." Mikey called through the door, it was 10PM and I'm writing stuff up for work. Honestly it's pointless shit that I'm writing down. 

"Mikey I have things to do." I state not even looking up to him. 

He snorts, "bullshit. Come on, let's get drunk."

I sigh and look at the taller man. He's right, I need to get out of the office and just do something besides sulk around like a little girl. 

"Alright, alright." I give in, "let's go." 

Mikey smiles big and we leave the shop. 

We take my car to the bar. The ride was silent but a comfortable silence. We are listening to the Bouncing Souls and I'm tapping my steering wheel as the music pulses through the cars stereo. 

 

When Hopeless Romantic came on I had to turn the radio all the way up, the music pulsing through me and I'm screaming at the top of my lungs. I'm actually smiling. I haven't smiled in such a long time. Ever since Gerard and I broke up I haven't smiled but the song is making me want to run a marathon.

I never felt more at home. 

Within 15 minutes we are at the bar. The same bar we always went to. I haven't been there in a long time because I don't want to run into Gerard but honestly with my new found confidence thanks to the Bouncing Souls I don't give a shit if I run into him. I kind of want to bump into him. This is his favorite bar. Stupid alcoholic is probably already 10 beers deep. Gerard loves to drink. 

"Glad to see a new and fresh Frank." Mikey states with a smile and I smile back as my reply. 

We walk inside the bar and I get my beer and Mikey follows me into getting the beer. Every 5 seconds I'm turning all over to see if I can see Gerard but he's nowhere in sight. 

In a strange way, I wanted to see him. I give myself a sad smile and I sip my beer, the more I drink the more I'll forget about Gerard, right? That's how it works. For me it does, anyways. 

\---

The next day at work my head is killing me. I just want to close up shop but I know I can't. I need the money to come in. I quickly regret drinking so much the night before. I groaned at the situation. I hate being hung over at work. 

I feel like I'm gonna fall asleep if no one walks into the little building. Even if they don't buy anything, I just want someone to fucking come in. 

Within minutes a girl walks into the shop. She's around 5'4" with shoulder length brown hair, light brown eyes to follow and a smile that can simply light up a room. She was beautiful. 

"Hey," I leaped around the counter where I was just before. "Welcome to Jersey Records, can I help you with anything?"

She gives off a warm smile, "actually I think you can. My brother is going on a date tonight and he wants to get his date a gift. I told him I'll find something for him because he's a spazz when it comes to gifts." She laughs at her own joke and I smile at her corny joke.

"Well," I start, "we have CDS and vinyls."

She shrugged her shoulders, "I was thinking more of vinyl. It seems more romantic or whatever." 

We start walking over to the section in my store that has them and we go through the list. 

"Did your brother tell you what their dates favorite band is?" I ask glancing over the rare Black Flag record I have. 

"He said he really digs Iron Maiden." She said simply, her fingers over the Ozzy Osbourne record. My heart feels like it just got a little empty by the way she loosely told me her brother has a date with a guy. 

"Ah." Is all I could say. "My ex loved Iron Maiden, we have a lot of records by them. I always bought them for him." I chuckle, remembering all the times I bought him the records. 

I wait for her to do the typical "oh you're gay!" statement that I hate hearing. 

"Cool, I'm pretty sure my brothers date loves Iron Maiden, too." She smiles back at me and I swear if I wasn't gay I would ask her out. She's possibly the coolest girl I've ever seen and so laid back. 

"Could I hold one with you? I want to call him and make sure that's a good idea." She asks me with puppy dog eyes that I can't deny even if I wanted to. 

"With eyes like yours how can I say no?" I smirked at her and I can see a blush rising in her. "What's your first and last name? I won't be here later so I'll put it in the back and the night guy will hold it."

"Jamia Nestor." She replied with a smile. 

I matched her smile, "ok Jamia, I'll give this to my employee and he will hold it for you." 

Within a minute she was out the door and I was left to finish my useless duties that I gave myself to keep my mind off all the crazy shit inside my head. Sometimes I wish is could shut my brain off and just not have any crazy worries or anything floating in my head.

Mostly I want Gerard out of my head. I can't stop playing the scene that was in front of Lindsey's apartment with Gerard. Why would he do that to me? Revenge? Anger? It's driving me fucking crazy. 

Once Mikey got to work I told him about Jamia's order that I will be holding for her to pick up later on in the day. 

"Hey - a girl with the name Jamia Nestor will be coming by later to pick up an Iron Maiden vinyl for her brother," I said once Mikey entered the store and he stopped walking and looked at me. 

"Wait-" he said waving his hands around, "did she have brown hair? Is her brother going on a date with a guy?"

I shot Mikey a confused look, how did he fucking know this? "Uh, yes?"

After that Mikey got silent and I started to panic. I hate it when he does that! He knows it makes me crazy but he does it anyway. He will just get silent because in his head, it's a big deal and he would rather be quiet. I hate it and it makes me panic like crazy. Mikey has to make everything a big deal though. He's a drama queen. 

"Mikey, c'mon tell me why you're so freaked out." I said breaking the silence. 

"I don't want to be the one to tell you." He simply said, looking away from me. 

"Stop playing games with me." I said back to him with my hands on my hips, sighing, extremely fed up. 

Mikey sighed and looked at me with empathy, "Gerard has a date tonight, Jamia is Justin's brother. Who he's going on a date with tonight."

I gave Mikey a blank expression, trying my best to cover up my sadness. "Good for him. I gotta go. I'll see you later, Mikey." Within seconds, I leave the store before Mikey can see the tears forming my eyes. I don't want the embarrassment. 

I spent the drive to my dad's house crying and listening to Iron Maiden, trapped inside my own thoughts of Gerard, jealously and sadness taking over me. 

I know we are broken up and everything but how can he find someone so quick? He loved me. I thought he did, at least. If you love someone you can't just replace them that fast. Did he fall out of love with me that quickly? How does this happen? How do you claim you love someone, if you're going on a date with someone not even 2 months of being broken up? 

I'm trapped with my own questions that I can't ask Gerard and it's honestly killing me. 

"How was work?" I heard my dad ask when I walked inside the door and I rolled my eyes. 

"Just fantastic." I bitterly said back to my dad. 

"That bad?" He said shifting his position on the couch to look at me, now he can clearly see that I've been crying. 

My dad sighed, he already knew what happened, "Gerard?"

"He has a fucking date," I spat, "how can he do that to me?!" I started yelling at this point shaking my head. 

My dad slowly got up the couch and looked at me, "son, you broke up with him."

I wanted to scream and throw up but I just stayed silent. I knew he was right. I did break up with Gerard but I didn't want him to be with someone so quick. I know that sounds selfish but I also didn't think I meant so little to him that he could just find someone new so quick. 

"Dad I know!" I groaned, walking away from the door and going into the kitchen to get a drink, "I just -" 

I didn't get to say anything else because I was honestly speechless. I didn't know what to say to justify myself for being so upset that Gerard has a date tonight with another man. 

I told my dad that I didn't want to talk about this anymore and I wanted to go in my room, well the spare room, and be left alone. I think he got the hint that I'm really hurt because he usually drills me until I want to scream, but he left me be. 

I look at myself in the mirror once I went inside my room and I'm amazed I'm alive because I look dead. My eyes are sunken in, my hair is a total mess, it's even falling out. I don't know the last time I actually had a full meal and I don't remember the last time I took a shower. I stopped caring about things all together. I touched the mirror and I just started crying even know, accepting that I have hit rock bottom and I don't know how to get up. 

I made a huge mistake leaving Gerard. I thought it was for the best but now I see that Gerard is the man who got away. He's the one I let slip out of my fingers. I let him go and now he's going to find someone so much better than me. 

That's not hard to find, either. It's really easy to find someone better than me. I'm short, so therefore I have this stupid problem where I always feel like I need to have a big mouth to make up for my small frame. I have a quick temper and I always seem to let my anger out on people that I care about. It's a horrible habit. I'm always worried about what other people think of me and I always over think anything that happens in my life. I'm always fighting off depression. Somedays I'm on the moon and I could do no wrong and life is just great. The next day I don't even get out of bed because I lost all will to live. 

He's so much better than all those flaws. 

He's so much better than me. 

\---

_"Stop being nervous. It's just a date." I told myself in the mirror. Adjusting my belt._

_"Just a boy-" I sighed, "an amazing, talented, funny boy."_

_"Stop talking to yourself, Frank." My dad said walking into my bedroom laughing at me. "You're going to scare the boy and freak him out."_

_"Dad! I'm nervous." I squeaked out._

_"Son, you're a great guy." He said trying to reassure my nervous self._

_I rolled my eyes. This is Gerard Way! He's fucking amazing. I never met anyone like him. No one has ever made me so nervous like he makes me nervous. He's so smart. That's what scares me. I'm just a loser freshman in college. He's already graduated. Why would he want a college student?_

_"But he's so... Amazing. He makes me sweaty." I sighed looking at my dad who has an amused look on his face._

_"You're funny," he states._

_I huffed at him and straightened my shirt and grabbed my keys. "I'm going now."_

_"Have fun, I won't wait up." My dad jokes, punching my arm lightly._

_I meet Gerard at the fair and I'm jittery and my palms are sweating and I haven't even seen him yet. It was my idea to have our first date at the Jersey fair. It felt like the right choice. It gives us a chance to get to know each other and have fun at the same time. I don't like the whole typical dinner and a movie thing. It's lame, to be honest._

_"Hey!" I turn my head quickly and I see Gerard and he smiles at me and I blush. He's wearing a dark blue shirt, a black jacket, and faded black jeans. His hair looks like he cut it since I saw him a few days ago and that makes my heart flutter a little._

_He pulls me into a hug and says, "you ready for a fun night?"_

_I smile warmly and replied, "you know it."_

_As promised we had an amazing and fun night. We went on rides and we learned a lot about each other. I learned Gerard is an artist and he's a total nerd, which I adore so much. I have a thing for the nerdy guys. He loves movies and doesn't really enjoy video games, perfect for me because I don't enjoy them myself. I truly feel like I found the person who I should be with and it feels great to have that connection with another person. I have a really good feeling about this and I never have good feelings about things._

_Gerard is hands down the most interesting person I have ever met in my life. He doesn't really like going out too much and he enjoys simple things. He can be happy with some coffee, art supplies and some music. I never seen anyone who enjoys the small things. Unlike me, I always have to be moving and doing something. My mind has to be working at all times or else I fucking lose it. I'm always doing a million projects and usually, when I'm done, I destroy what I create. Gerard taught me that I should love everything that I create, even if it's not considered good. I should embrace it and find the true beauty of it._

_"I had a great time." I said walking up to my steps with Gerard, his hand interlocked with mine._

_"Me too, Frankie. I needed tonight." He said back, letting go of my hand as we reached my door. "I'll call you, okay?"_

_I smile nervously, "sounds good."_

_Gerard gave off the cutest smirk I've ever seen and leaned closer to me and I felt my heart race._

_He closed the space between us and kissed me gently and I felt a jolt of energy pulse throughout my body and I thought I could scream. His lips are very soft and feel great against my own lips._

_"You know," he said breaking my innocent kiss, "I never felt more at home than I am with you."_

_Just like that he was gone and I was left with a huge smile on my face. Gerard brought the creative side in me back that I've been lacking for so long. He makes me want to create music and write. He makes me feel alive again._

_I turn my heels and go inside my house and close the door, sighing big with a smile that I thought I lost years ago._

_"I never felt more at home."_

"Frank! Wake up. You have someone at the door for you." I heard the faint voice of my dad from the hallway. I groaned.

It was just a fucking dream. 

I slowly get out of bed, I don't even bother checking how I look, I don't care. It was probably Mikey asking me about something with the store. He tends to do that and forgets that we all have phones. 

I go down the stairs and I sigh, opening the door, preparing for the terrible sunlight that I would rather not see at this state that I am. 

Suddenly I'm fully awake, seeing exactly how is at the door for me. My heart stops and I'm pretty sure the blood in my body has frozen over and I physically cannot move. It feels like time is frozen and that I'm still dreaming, but my sudden stomachachen tells me that I am indeed awake and this is really happening. I've been wishing for this but now it's reality I kind of want to hide in my dad's spare room and play my guitar until I feel better. This isn't fair. 

"Gerard...?"


End file.
